The Justforkix Awards

To celebrate the accomplishments of the titans of our time, I have instituted the JUSTFORKIX (JFK) awards, in memory of Goscinny & Uderzo, the creators of the Asterix comics. The JFK award is like the Knighthood. The only difference is instead of the Sir title I shall bestow the celebrity with a name that suits his or her comical personality. The roll of honour for this year is as follows:

For steadfastly refusing to be a flip-flopper, John Kerry shall henceforth be called ACROBATIX.

For his Queen’s English and razor sharp mind, George Dubya Bush shall henceforth be called IDIOTIX.

For her not-so-ample chest, Pamela Anderson shall henceforth be called ABUNDANTIA.

For his stunningly cosmopolitan worldview, Bal Thackeray shall henceforth be called JINGOISTIX.

For ‘sacrificing’ the PM’s post after listening to her inner voice, Sonia Gandhi shall henceforth be called MELODRAMATIX.

For his action packed reality show in Iraq, Donald Rumsfield shall henceforth be called BARBARIX.

For scoring a hundred every time it snows in Sahara, Sachin Tendulkar shall henceforth be called ERRATIX.

For graciously letting go of his wife and marrying Britney Spears, Kevin Federline shall henceforth be called PARASITIX.

For her eye-popping no-show, Janet Jackson shall henceforth be called TELEGENIX.

For unleashing a highly laudatory documentary on Bush, Michael Moore shall henceforth be called SARCASTIX.

For being ultra flexible on Palestine, Ariel Sharon shall henceforth be called INELASTIX.

For humbly proclaiming the Indian Cricket Team as World-beaters, Saurav Ganguly shall henceforth be called BOMBASTIX.

For his polished ways and presidential demeanour, Laloo Prasad Yadav shall henceforth be called RUSTIX.

For his record mandate in Afghanistan, Hamid Karzai shall henceforth be called CEREMONIX.

For his uniquely original compositions, Anu Mallik shall henceforth be called SOWHATIFITSREMIX.

For covering her hot bod from head to toe, Mallika Sherawat shall henceforth be called MINIMALISTIX.

For intervening in the American elections with very noble intentions, Osama Bin Laden shall henceforth be called DIRTYTRIX.

For innocently letting her boyfriend film their one nightstand, Paris Hilton shall henceforth be called VOYEURISTIX.

For launching the Tiranga Yatra to safeguard the honour of the Indian tricolour, Uma Bharti shall henceforth be called CHEAPGIMMIX.

For loving his fellow man, Elton John shall henceforth be called ANDROGYNIX.