Saturday, December 17, 2005

Confessions of a Potty Animal

My white skin friend was shopping for a wild potty. I showed him Elton John in Bangalore. Then La Loo in Patna. And followed it up with Ramu Loo in Hyderabad. But he was not at all impressed. He told me, he was looking for a colourful potty with all the trappings of power. I jogged my memory and handed over this handy catalogue to him:

Congress Potty
Italian style Indian toilet.
Available since 1947.
In all shady colours you can imagine.
Tried and tested by the Gandhi dynasty.
Voted best Indian potty many, many times.
Needs to be greased often to get the job done.
A hot favourite with secular crappers.
Currently dysfunctional in the cow belt.
Plus: Stability. Minus: Stinks in an emergency.

Bharatiya Janata Potty
The great Indian Swadesi toilet.
Made by the Sangh Parivar.
For the Hindu Undivided Family.
Available since 1980.
In a riot of colours. Usually Saffron.
Used and abused by Vajpayee & Advani.
Now run by a generation of bullshitters.
Can flush ideology down the toilet, if the need arises.
Turns leaky when out of power.
Has the rare ability to self-destruct.
Plus: Homegrown. Minus: Never seats the minority.

Communist Potty of India (Marxist)
Soviet styled toilets. Imported from China.
In vogue since 1950s.
Installed first in Kerala by EMS Namboodripad.
Made for the progressives.
Aids the progress of the likes of Harkishen Singh Surjeet.
Fully functional only when the clock strikes work.
Never known to take any crap from capitalists.
Liberals and Jholawalas think it’s hot shit.
Works only in Kerala, West Bengal & Tripura.
Plus: Predictable. Minus: Outdated Johnnies.

Communist Potty of India
Red toilets for the working class.
Handles leftovers of the Marxist potty.
Has no standalone working models in India.
Plus: Liberal shit. Minus: Conservative imagination.

Samajwadi Potty
Sulabh Sauchalay for Yadavs, Muslims and now Thakurs.
Operasanal only in Uttar Prades.
Created for Mulayam Incorprated.
Promoted by Amar Singh.
Endorsed by Jaya Bachchan & Jayaprada.
Handles shitloads of work only when there’s ghoos motion.
Otherwise functions only during chunavs.
Plus: Empowers the constipated. Minus: Flushes only for the family.

Bahujan Samaj Potty
Toilets reserved for the pichuadeys of the pichdey varg.
Exploited for the exploited by Mayawati.
Resting place for turncoats.
Available in Ambedkarite shades of blue.
Plus: Reliably unreliable. Minus: Kisses anyone’s rear.

Guess what my white skin buddy did with this potty catalogue? He used it as toilet paper :-(


Blogger Venkat Ramanan said...

Amazing write-up friend!!! Especially, I like Congress potty a lot, since I could relate to what was said in the potty poem with what is really happening...
Digressing a bit, What could we do about these potties? They ransack us for a ride and come somehow to power.. Any alternatives??

3:41 PM  
Blogger icarus prakash said...


what happened to (A)D(M)K potties? PMK?

5:26 PM  
Blogger Chetan said...

Man that was really fundoo... Hats off! Your attention to detail is amazing, especially the spellings etc. incorporating accents and all. Fantastic post.

2:27 AM  
Blogger Jayesh said...

Brilliant post... ROFL

5:54 PM  
Anonymous Anwin said...

cool machan...

12:53 AM  
Blogger Sajan said...


5:32 PM  

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