THE NAMING GAME
Yaseer Arafat died and went straight to hell. Nobody recognized the poor bloke. Satan announced a reward of a hundred harems to any one who coins an appropriate name for this unknown entity from earth. Lured by the incentive, many illustrious citizens of Pandemonium participated in the contest. Here’s a shortlist of their suggestions.
Michael Faraday: Since he looks like a radical element, I think we should call him ION.
Sigmund Freud: After a thorough examination of his deepest, darkest desires, I have come to the conclusion that PSYCHO sums him up the best.
Henry Ford: The sods in the market research department of Ford, a company run by my demented progeny, have suggested that I should call him Terrorist. Now that name sucks. Why not shorten it and call him T? Wait, wait…on second thoughts, MODEL-T should fit like a tee.
Ronald Reagan: I just made a phone call to that dumbass Dubya. I told him look, there’s this guy in Hell with a headgear. He looks as clueless as you. What could his name be? Dubya called the CIA. They gave him the name in a jiffy. I asked him to spell it out. He told me it’s A ROUGH FAT.
Adolf Hitler: You know what. When I head from a little nazi bird that this man killed Jews, I was planning to label him JUICER. But when I was told that he got a Nobel Peace Prize for it, I decided I should call him LOSER!
Harry Houdini: I’ve heard a lot about the escapades of this lad. Considering his magical hold over Arabs, I deem it fit to call him ARAB-A-CADABRA.
Isaac Newton: By the very fact that he’s entered hell, we can deduce that he’s become the fallen. There’s no better notation for the fallen than GRAVITY. So that’s my recommendation.
Pythagoras: It’s fair and square to call him HYPOTENUSE. Because 1) He had a rightist angle to whatever he did. 2) If a represents America, b represents Israel and c represents Palestine, this guy always ensured that c is greater than a + b.
Antonio Vivaldi: Now that it’s clear, that this gentleman shall spend the summer, winter, autumn and spring of his eternity over here, I shall make the overture of calling him FOUR SEASONS.
Shakespeare: What’s in a name? A skunk by any other name shall still stink as much. So I suggest we just call him ANONYMOUS.
If you have any ideas you can mail the same to go2hell@will.com
Michael Faraday: Since he looks like a radical element, I think we should call him ION.
Sigmund Freud: After a thorough examination of his deepest, darkest desires, I have come to the conclusion that PSYCHO sums him up the best.
Henry Ford: The sods in the market research department of Ford, a company run by my demented progeny, have suggested that I should call him Terrorist. Now that name sucks. Why not shorten it and call him T? Wait, wait…on second thoughts, MODEL-T should fit like a tee.
Ronald Reagan: I just made a phone call to that dumbass Dubya. I told him look, there’s this guy in Hell with a headgear. He looks as clueless as you. What could his name be? Dubya called the CIA. They gave him the name in a jiffy. I asked him to spell it out. He told me it’s A ROUGH FAT.
Adolf Hitler: You know what. When I head from a little nazi bird that this man killed Jews, I was planning to label him JUICER. But when I was told that he got a Nobel Peace Prize for it, I decided I should call him LOSER!
Harry Houdini: I’ve heard a lot about the escapades of this lad. Considering his magical hold over Arabs, I deem it fit to call him ARAB-A-CADABRA.
Isaac Newton: By the very fact that he’s entered hell, we can deduce that he’s become the fallen. There’s no better notation for the fallen than GRAVITY. So that’s my recommendation.
Pythagoras: It’s fair and square to call him HYPOTENUSE. Because 1) He had a rightist angle to whatever he did. 2) If a represents America, b represents Israel and c represents Palestine, this guy always ensured that c is greater than a + b.
Antonio Vivaldi: Now that it’s clear, that this gentleman shall spend the summer, winter, autumn and spring of his eternity over here, I shall make the overture of calling him FOUR SEASONS.
Shakespeare: What’s in a name? A skunk by any other name shall still stink as much. So I suggest we just call him ANONYMOUS.
If you have any ideas you can mail the same to go2hell@will.com
posted by anantha at 3:56 am
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