Sunday, July 31, 2005

Celebrity Endorsements We'd Love 2 See

Aren’t we tired of seeing the same old cricketers and movie stars as brand ambassadors? May be it’s time we got a tad creative about celebrity endorsements. May be it’s time we roped in politicians. Because I feel we are sitting on a huge mine of talent. Here’s a chota consideration set that should get brand managers excited:

1. Laloo Prasad Yadav For Kohinoor Extra Time Condoms.
Logic for using him: He’s screwed Bihar for so long. And is yet to climax.

2. Narendra Modi for Zippo Lighters.
Logic for using him: You can’t get more inflammatory than him. Better still, you can’t extinguish him.

3. Karunanidhi for Ray Ban Sunglasses.
Logic for using him: He’s taken coolers to the masses. He’s not afraid of the rising sun. And he might write just a Tamil jingle for ray ban on the lines of: Sooriyanai paarkum vinaadi, podu nee indha kannaadi.

4. Jayalalitha for VIP Suitcases.
Logic for using her: You can’t get a bigger suit-case than Jaya. Because every day she either files a defamation suit or a case against someone.

5. Prakash Karat for Eveready Batteries.
Logic for using him: After he’s taken over, the commies are all charged up. And he’s the best man to make the ‘Gimme red’ sales pitch.

6. Amar Singh for Zandu Balm.
Logic for using him: Amar Singh has an impeccable track record of being a pain fixer. Bankruptcy, stuck projects, or niggling law and order problems, he’s the peeda hari everyone turns to.

7. Manmohan Singh for HMV.
Logic for using him: He’s a sound example to demonstrate the power of His Madam’s Voice.

8. Sonia Gandhi for Patek Philippe Watches.
Logic for using her: Sonia Gandhi is the true embodiment of the philosophy expressed by the Patek Phillipe line: ‘you never actually own a patek philippe, you merely look after it for the next generation.’

9. Narayan Rane for Levi’s Reversibles.
Logic for using him: He can change his outfit in a nano-second and still be very, very comfortable.

10. L.K. Advani For Fevicol.
Logic for using him: The man’s managed to stick to the BJP President’s post even after maximum dabao from parent RSS.

Saturday, July 30, 2005

Thought bubble # 9

Would you marry a divorce lawyer?

Monday, July 25, 2005

Dawood's damaakheydaar daawat

My deep throat from Dubai has just given me a lowdown on the sumptuous fare served for his daamad Javed Miandad & his retinue. The menu sounds explosive. The guests must have had a blast. I wancha to drool over it.

Starters:
Daniel Pearl's Mutton Chops
Osama’s Kabuli Kebabs
Monica Bedi’s Chicken Tikka
With Al Bukhatir’s Sharjah Soup

Main Course:
Lashkar-e-Toiba’s Kashmiri Pulao
Azhar Bhai’s Hyderabadi Biriyani
Babbar Khalsa’s Makki di Roti
Guru Satnam’s Punjabi Naans

Sideys:
Salman’s Black Buck Roast
Sanjay Dutt’s Bombay Duck
Musharaff’s Lahoori curry
Saddam Hussein’s Baingan Baath
Malaika Kofta
Aishwarya Raita
And Ram Gopal Verma’s Masala Paapad

Desserts:
Mandakini’s Ras Malai
Nagma’s Gulab Jamun
Arun Gawli’s Shrikand

Booze:
Molotov Cocktails
Al Qaeida’s Bloody Mary

Cigarettes:
Salem Cigarettes with best compliments from Abu Salem.

Take Aways:
KPS Gill’s Moochad Paan
Julio Ribeiro’s Supari

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Lines from my oven # 3

Marriage is like chess. After mating, the game is over.

Friday, July 22, 2005

Lines from my oven # 2

I wonder why there's a 'gent' in the word 'intelligent'.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Lines from my oven # 1

I may be lazy. But I've worked hard to earn that label.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Thought bubble # 8

Failure is a man's best friend. He's there, when you want him.

Monday, July 18, 2005

Thought bubble # 7

Idiocy is infectious.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Thought bubble # 6

There are two types of people. Those who create. And those who criticise.

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Thought bubble # 5

Lawyers make great copyrighters.

Friday, July 15, 2005

Thought bubble # 4

Everyone is an under-achiever.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Thought bubble # 3

Destiny is a serial killer.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

The Shortest Joke Ever Told

U.

Monday, July 04, 2005

25 Potential Best Sellers

MY HITS & MY MISSUS by Shane Warne

HOW I BEND THE RULES by Muthiah Muralitharan

A GASH CALLED ASH by Salman Khan

1000 SMUTTY SMS MESSAGES by David Beckham

A PINCH OF FAME by KPS Gill

BULLET POINTS ON TIGERS by MAK Pataudi

HOW TO BE A SUCCESSFUL FAILURE by Saurav Ganguly

50 WOMEN I WOULD LOVE TO DATE by Atal Behari Vajpayee

RUNNING AMERICA FOR DUMMIES by George Dubya Bush

100 HANDY HINDI WORDS FOR RULING INDIA by Sonia Gandhi

THE DICTATOR’S GUIDE TO DEMOCRACY by Pervez Musharraf

TENNIS ELBOW & OTHER EXCUSES FOR SKIPPING MATCHES by Sachin Tendulkar

BODY LANGUAGE by Mallika Sherawat

BIG WORDS FOR BIG OCCASIONS by Jaswant Singh

THE HITCH HIKER’S GUIDE TO PADAYATRAS by Chandrashekar

STAYING IN SHAPE by Jayalalitha

CIGARS by Monica Lewinsky

CHILD’S PLAY by Michael Jackson

RIG VEDA by Laloo Prasad Yadav

IFS AND BUTTS by Jennifer Lopez

FLASH FOR PROGRAMMERS by Janet Jackson

THE BOOK OF NAMES FOR NON-VEGETARIAN DISHES by Maneka Gandhi

THE ENCYCLOPEDIA OF RESERVED JOBS by Mayawati

SAVE THE TIGERS by Velupillai Prabhakaran

THE LONELY PLANET’S GUIDE TO GETAWAYS IN PAKISTAN AND AFGHANISTAN by Osama Bin Laden