Professor Inventa’s Royalty Free Ideas # 1
Inventa, the Professor of Useless Ideas at the University of Trivia, is in a generous mood. He’s decided to unleash an epochal idea every week on you unsuspecting and undeserving rats. Blessed you. This week, he presents something that’s one small step for mankind and a giant leap for shitpots. Ladies and scumbags, make way for the one and only TEFLON COATED TOILETS.
The core premise of this invention lies in a Nobel worthy index called the Eeshability Index. Eeshability is the Tamil word for stickiness. So simply put, the E index measures the stickiness of crap, from Honolulu to Hyderabadulu, on a scale of 1 to 100. Extensive research, conducted by ace crapologists, has shown that the average EI score for human excreta is 56. Dog poop clocked 24. And cat dingleberries managed 15. Since the stickiness level of human shit is really high, one needs litres of water to flush out the yellow litter from the commodes. Water surplus homes can afford this. But not all. This is where the revolutionary Teflon Coated Toilets come into the picture.
Teflon, as you all know, is a slippery character. It’s got this amazing ability to lower the Eeshability index by a jaw dropping 60%. As a result, Teflon Coated Toilets consume far lesser water than normal flushes do to wash down your crap. Ain’t that wow?
It has been calculated that Tef (nick for Teflon Coated Toilets) saves close to 750 litres of water per head every year. Multiply this figure with the human population - you can almost create a River Nile with that water!
That’s the power of Tef, my friend. It removes the glue out of poo.
The core premise of this invention lies in a Nobel worthy index called the Eeshability Index. Eeshability is the Tamil word for stickiness. So simply put, the E index measures the stickiness of crap, from Honolulu to Hyderabadulu, on a scale of 1 to 100. Extensive research, conducted by ace crapologists, has shown that the average EI score for human excreta is 56. Dog poop clocked 24. And cat dingleberries managed 15. Since the stickiness level of human shit is really high, one needs litres of water to flush out the yellow litter from the commodes. Water surplus homes can afford this. But not all. This is where the revolutionary Teflon Coated Toilets come into the picture.
Teflon, as you all know, is a slippery character. It’s got this amazing ability to lower the Eeshability index by a jaw dropping 60%. As a result, Teflon Coated Toilets consume far lesser water than normal flushes do to wash down your crap. Ain’t that wow?
It has been calculated that Tef (nick for Teflon Coated Toilets) saves close to 750 litres of water per head every year. Multiply this figure with the human population - you can almost create a River Nile with that water!
That’s the power of Tef, my friend. It removes the glue out of poo.
posted by anantha at 1:45 pm
3 Comments:
eeeshh..
get the stuff patented before it slips out of the mind
seeing that replacing every single potty may be infaecible does the prof have ideas for a teflon-spray maybe.
what crap!
beautiful. i loved the way you wrote the stuff.
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